Im going to be a senior in...two weeks? Something like that...I'm growing up and I don't want to! Who does? I have control over my life and sometimes that can be a little scary. What if I screw up? What if I can't make it in college? What if, what if, what if. There's definately a lot to think about. ..

I also am in a relationship, have been for almost seven months. It's awesome, he's awesome, it's pretty great. But everytime I think about college, I think about us. I know I am only 17 and still have a lot of growing up to do, but I really don't want to lose this guy. I can't see life without him in it. Melodramatic? Maybe. But that's what I feel at the moment.

I just hope that everything happens for a reason. I've always change my mind about whether or not I believe that. Right now I do. I moved from Oklahoma to Colorado in the middle of my Junior year, but now I know it was for the best. I like life here. There was just so much drama back in Oklahoma, but being somewhere new you are automatically drama-free. Meeting new people was pretty awesome too. And of course my boyfriend :). So i think moving was the best thing to do, even if I didn't think so at the time.

So now I have to get prepared for school. That includes finishing my summer assignment for english, which I just started. Also getting mentally prepared might be a good idea. Hopefully this year is a great one like everyone says.

Excited, but for what?

Right now I'm feeling insanely excited but I don't know why. Well i suppose most of it has to do with something someone told me tonight :) which is awesome. But other than that I don;t know what it is. Oh well. Today I wish I had a computer because there was so many things on my mind that I wanted to post. But now, I am tired and have lost most of the motivation I had to write. It's rather sad I'm tired and It's only 9. Anyways, for example today I was walking with my boyfriend after school to his house and I think I talked pretty much all the way there about psychology. It is something I am very interested in and want to go to college for so I often have the need to have conversations about it. However, I am usually alone when these thoughts occur so, to say the least, I think I talked his ear off. Maybe. I was mostly talking about mental illness itself. I am taking a psychology class at the moment but it is a semester class so you could imagine how much we just skim the surface on many of the topics. The thing I am most disappointed about is the fact we only have a week left to talk about mental illness. There is SO much I would like to learn on this topic and it sucks we can't study it in more detail. So during our walk I was talking about the different theories people have about how individuals get depressed and which I think are logical. I am so excited for college and to be able to study psychology in depth!

Love...

Okay so what does that word mean? The definition is "1. a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person. 2. a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent child or friend." (Dictionary.com) For some reason I find myself wondering how anyone can come up with an exact definition of that word. Isn't love an abstract noun? Abstract to me sound like nothing solid, you can't define it. But maybe I'm wrong. The definition sounds okay but everyone will inevitably create their own meaning of that word. In my opinion at least. I don't know what the definition is for me yet. Who knows. It's still so jumbled in my mind along with everything else. It's a feeling, of course, and a pretty good one at that. At least I'm pretty sure that's what that is...Oh how life can be sooo hard! *heavy sarcasm* I wonder what my thoughts will be on the subject a few years from now. I wonder how other people view it and perceive it. Such a profound emotion for the human mind to withstand..

Life as of Today

Well life is life as usual. School is almost over, which should be exciting right? And it is, but I can't find myself too excited for summer. Well i am, I guess I just don't know what I am going to do with it. I want to visit my friends in OK but that's an eight hour drive...so who knows if that's going to happen. And summer just means more work at McDonald's. Oh yay. But hey, I got paid today which is cool. My first paycheck ever. It feels rather empowering and stuff. So what to do with summer? It would be awesome if I had some close friends here. Maybe that's just my own fault but oh well. Overall, life is pretty blah right now, my tongue is blue, and I'm wondering how long this money will last (i will guess not long).